waking up

I guess seeing you tonight wasn't such a good thing after all. I mean, I know that it's practically been a month since that shit happened, and I know I told myself and you that friendship was more important to me, but I dunno. I was getting over it, getting over you. Actually I was pretty impressed with the fact that I hadn't thought about you in while. But then seeing you standing there, all awkward and what not, while I talked to your friend.......I just couldn't look at you. I didn't want to, because I knew I'd end up missing you all over again. So when you finally said "Hi" and gave me that hug, it just didn't feel sincere. It honestly felt awkward. And because it felt like such an uncomfortable greeting, I was kinda sad. I just wanted to give you a hug, and feel like "ok, yeah, we're friends, this is just like how I greet all my friends" but it wasn't like that at all for me. It made me realize how much I ................ miss you. I do, I actually do. I hate myself for saying that, because I don't want to miss you anymore! But I do, because we never talk, text, or see each other. I mean, you did say you cared about me, and would always be there for me. But for some strange reason, it doesn't seem like we can be like that towards each other anymore. And that's really unfortunate.